?

Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

zomg it's a discussion post!!

It's very appropriate to post this tonight seeing as Keith is coming back to his own show--whilst on vacation--to deliver a Special Comment.

Talk amongst yourselves! Just play nice, okay?

BREAKING NEWS ON TWITTER #bnot: Denis Leary has just stated "If Rachel Maddow looks like a guy, then guess what: I might be gay." JUICY DEETS.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
ceilidh_ann
Jul. 21st, 2010 10:35 pm (UTC)
I'm trying to flip between writing a sexy, snarky lesbian sword fight in my own book and werewolf!Keith takes on sparkly!Tucker Carlson for jesidres because it's hilarious. Grr, stupid writers block. And TVTropes isn't helping.
bergeronprocess
Jul. 21st, 2010 10:55 pm (UTC)
I think I will want to read both of those, as a matter of fact. :)
ceilidh_ann
Jul. 21st, 2010 11:06 pm (UTC)
Werewolf!Keith and the Sparkly Caller - part 1.
This was the one I wrote a couple of days ago. XD

It was times like this that Keith really hated socialising.

The White House Correspondent’s Dinner was a torturous affair under normal circumstances, but when a surprisingly large portion of the room hated you, the menu didn’t come with a gluten free option, the journey down included several hours in the company of the Morning Joe anchors mixed together with a small case of lycanthropy, it promised to be anything but easy.

Rachel bribed him throughout the evening with a promise of a nice long walk and bathroom break on C Street which was the only thing keeping him barely sane. As Obama gave his opening speech, Keith pondered over whether or not to have some of the complimentary champagne. He desperately needed to relax but alcohol left him more susceptible to uncontrollable bursts of form changing and he didn’t know if he had the inner strength not to leap towards the Fox table and take a small nip of Beck’s leg. Just a small nip, he reasoned. Nothing majorly life threatening. He could get used to living with one leg. The possible New York Post headlines kept him away from the booze, much to Rachel’s disappointment.

As his boredom increased, he scanned the room for vaguely interesting sights. Rahm Emanuel attacking his fish portion with trademark ferocity. Wolf Blitzer stroking his beard pensively. Congressman Alan Grayson engaged in a staring match with Eric Cantor across the room. Tucker Carlson sparkling.

He did a double take towards the table of people unfortunate enough to be stuck with Tucker Carlson. Sparkling? It must be a trick of the light, Keith thought. It had to be. But sure enough, the longer he looked at Tucker’s hand resting on the table, the more distinct the shimmering became. There were three possible explanations – Carlson was a ban of body glitter, he was incredibly sweaty or...

Oh god, Keith thought. Under any other circumstances he would have been a little worried but Tucker? He waited to let out his loud laugh under Obama recited another punch-line. Now this entire dinner was turning out to be worth all the trouble.

After the dinner and the comedian, the hall quickly emptied as the guests left for their respective after dinner parties and celebrations. Rather stupidly, News Corp’s correspondent’s party was open to all and there was no way Keith and Rachel were going to miss that opportunity. Keith excused himself as Rachel listened with car crash-like glee to Gretchen Carlson and searched for Carlson. He didn’t have to look far; sitting in a room on his own – no big shock, Keith thought – Tucker sat at the table with a bottle of champagne listening to the Grateful Dead. He didn’t notice Keith enter until he was right next to him.
ceilidh_ann
Jul. 21st, 2010 11:06 pm (UTC)
Werewolf!Keith and the Sparkly Caller - part 2.
“You smell terrible,” Keith laughed as Tucker turned to face him at an extraordinary speed.

“Oh great, it’s you,” Tucker sneered, trying to sound intimidating which was an impossible task, even without the current state of sparkling.

“Of all the people I thought would end up being among the walking ranks of the sparkling dead... actually, you were pretty high up on the list.”

“Of course you would be a disgusting werewolf.”

“Man, I was just going to ask how KeithOlbermann.com was doing but this is even better! God, I wish we had a brighter light in here; I want to see you all glittery and lit up like a disco ball. Did your master tell you about that unfortunate side effect before you decided to sell your soul?”

Tucker lunged forward and forced Keith against the wall with a monstrous crack as the plaster shattered, but Keith could still do nothing but laugh.

“Why would I hate this?” Tucker sneered again (did he have any other way of talking, Keith wondered.) “I’m immortal. I’m super fast, super strong, I’ll never die and I could crush you like an ant.”

“And you sparkle like a Disney fairy!” Keith bellowed. “It fits you so well. I’d make a comment about your inevitable whining over the misery of immortality but you’re already whiny enough as it is so I guess this thing’s made for you!”

“Disgusting werewolf liberal!”

“Stop trying to be frightening, Tuck. It’s like watching a singing squirrel try to be scary, except this squirrel’s got a really weak chin.”

“Don’t you ever shut up?”

“Do you really need me to answer that? Has anyone told you about the whole vampire-werewolf eternal struggle for supremacy thing?”

“I was briefly informed. You wanna do this now then? I’m ready?”

“God no, this is my vacation. I’m not even supposed to be here today. Besides, I think it’ll be a lot more fun to watch you spend forever glittering like a Christmas tree decoration. I really could use the laughs. I’ll see you around Carlson!”

Before Keith could leave, Tucker grabbed him and flung him across the room with a grunt. Keith landed onto the table with a crash and moved out of the way just before Tucker jumped on top of him. In a flash of life and the ripping of cloth, Keith changed form and landed on top of the quivering Tucker, baring his bloodcurdling teeth on top of the whimpering sparkly boy. This was all too much fun and much better than any half assed apology he could ever force out of the man for his many stupid remarks. He stood up and changed back, watching Tucker cower and shake in a manner that was far too funny. Picking through the remnants of what was his rented tuxedo, he found his phone and called Rachel.

“Could you bring my spare tux please? There was a... small incident. I’m in room 115. Thanks,” Keith hung up and covered his modesty with a nearby pillow.

Before he left, he looked at Tucker again who was still curled up in a ball.

“Oh Tucker,” Keith called out. “Your contact lenses are slipping. You don’t even eat humans?” He left with another long, satisfying laugh, ready to tell Rachel all about Tucker’s apology.
bergeronprocess
Jul. 22nd, 2010 12:08 am (UTC)
Re: Werewolf!Keith and the Sparkly Caller - part 2.
I like that Keith was naked in the end :3 I am predictable.

Anyway! I love it--and how Rachel is just along for the long strange ride, haha.
simonejester
Aug. 6th, 2010 12:58 am (UTC)
Re: Werewolf!Keith and the Sparkly Caller - part 2.
Nothing majorly life threatening. He could get used to living with one leg.

Maybe then he'd apologize for mocking Obama's aunt's limp! (Oh, who am I kidding. :P)

Congressman Alan Grayson engaged in a staring match with Eric Cantor across the room.

I would love to see those two go at it. (Interpret that HOWEVER you like.)

“I’m immortal. I’m super fast, super strong, I’ll never die and I could crush you like an ant.”

“And you sparkle like a Disney fairy!” Keith bellowed.


Nothing sexist in any direction, but LAAAAWL.
ceilidh_ann
Jul. 21st, 2010 11:08 pm (UTC)
Can we please get some sort of fic where Shep gets a well done blowjob?

http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201007210057
simonejester
Aug. 6th, 2010 12:52 am (UTC)
How remarkably non-A! S! S! H! O! L! E! of Denis Leary!
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )